You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
