When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
