i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
