Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
