This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
