i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
