Fine. I'll sleep in my office
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
