so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
