Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
