you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
