i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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