Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
dude. I can hear the air.
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