I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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