I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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