in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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