I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
