no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Don't make out with my wife yet
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
