Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
