come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
