Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
