Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
