Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
