Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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