i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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