should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
