I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
