apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize