trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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