Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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