HIV tests are more positive than that guy
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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