Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
