Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
