your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
