You were right. It hurts to walk today.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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