If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
