dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
