She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
