ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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