Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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