Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Two words: nipple clamps
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