I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
