p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I need to calm my uterus...
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