If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
