She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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