sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
