i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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