The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
