His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize