I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
