Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
