I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
