my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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