Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
MIDGETS
????
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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