I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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