Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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