dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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