Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
