she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
