i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
foreskin is a definite game changer
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
