That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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