My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I need moral support for this bender
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
