Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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