but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
