If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
