i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
