Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
