he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
