Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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