I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
