halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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