I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
