I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
